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Chris Paul: Team dinners (JJ Redick Podcast)

The podcasts that I think are most valuable1 are the fly-on-a-wall kind where you have experts talking to each other. Tobi Lütke described this well on Tim Ferriss’s podcast (At 31:23):

My favorite thing in the world is—books definitely rank up there but there’s one thing which is better, which is being a fly on a wall when two experts talk amongst each other. Right? Which is one of those situations that was almost impossible to line up as an outsider and now suddenly is completely democratized through the wonderful invention of podcasting.

That deserves its own post eventually, but I wanted to help say that I love that professional athletes have their own podcasts. Few people in the world have better access to professional athletes than other professional athletes. It’s great that they’re willing to share their conversations with the rest of the world.

That way, I can hear about Chris Paul reminiscing about team dinners (At 18:45):

Redick: There’s still some level of that. I think the whole group dinner thing—it’s really dissipating.

CP: Yeahh. Honestly I just be thinking that it’s, you know, me and the team that I’m on. Last year, our team—we did that a lot more often than this year. But we’ve had our moments this year. It’s crazy. After we beat Boston and went to Toronto, our whole team did something together. I don’t know if it’s age. I don’t know what it is. I really don’t. I always say, to me, I’m not getting old by no means. But I actually enjoy when we do those dinners on the road and you go out. Because me—you know I’ll just sit in my room and order room service and watch every game that comes on every night.

But those dinners are really good. Even when you’re in the same city… I think that’s probably what I miss more than anything. Like way back in New Orleans when we played there. Tyson, D-West, and all of us. Say we had a stretch of 3 or 4 home games. One of those nights we would all go to somebody’s house. And I don’t know if teams do that or what not.

Redick: Yeah I’m guilty of that, because I don’t even live in the city that I play…

CP: Yeah it’s crazy. Because part of it is life, too. Like life changes. Like, Bubs, you could describe all of the different times in your career.

This year I’ve tried prioritizing spending time with friends. Spending time with people you enjoy being around is a good idea. Figure out ways to do that in all parts of your life.

Even if it’s fun, it can take effort. In Off The Clock, Laura Vanderkam explains that it’s worth it:

“The discipline of joy requires holding in the mind simultaneously that this too shall pass and that this too is good. This alchemy of mind isn’t easy, but the good life is not always the easy life. Happiness requires effort. It is not just bestowed; it is the earned interest on what you choose to pay in.”

Think back to the very best times you’ve spent with friends in the past few years. Some of them took a good amount of planning. (Particularly as you grow older and friends move to different cities or even countries.)

Now I’m just going to pile a few more quotes in here. The topic reminds me of something Tim Kreider says in We Learn Nothing:

I’m more productive now, and more successful; for the first time in my life I’m supporting myself by doing what I’ve always wanted to do. But I laugh less than I used to. Drinking was, among other things, an excellent excuse to devote eight or ten consecutive hours to sitting idly around having hilarious conversations with friends, than which I’m still not convinced there is any better possible use of our time on earth.

I learned about that book from the chapter (Lazy: a Manifesto) that’s included in Tools of Titans by Tim Ferriss. In the comments section of another post (a sample schedule of Tim’s day), he describes core metric (2008):

For example, I would consider time spent eating with family and friends a core metric. If this cuts into e-mail or workout output a bit, it’s a positive trade. Just one example.

I’ve heard him say something similar about counting the number of nights you’re having dinner with people. It can get ridiculous if you try tracking every little thing in your life and having metrics for things. If you read this and scoff because you already spend plenty of time with people you love, then you’re already winning.

Otherwise, bust the calendar out and schedule some time with a friend. Even if it’s just catching up on the phone2.

John Wooden walked a lot

From the Los Angeles Times (1988):

Almost every morning, just as daylight begins to brighten the color of the leaves on the Eucalyptus trees lining the sidewalk closest to his front door, John Wooden sets out on a 5-mile walk.

I’m collecting links about walking. This article about John Wooden is great. I assume he had more going on than I do and he was able to make the time to walk every day.

And this article makes it sound like he enjoyed those walks quite a bit. I’ve been enjoying mine.

I’ve picked up my walking quite a bit in the past few weeks. One of my resolutions was to try walking 10 miles every day but that quickly turned into 7 which quickly turned into 5. And then I slowly got the miles up and today I finally hit 5 days in a row of walking 5 miles.

64: “This is Marketing”

Check out the full notes for “This is Marketing: You Can’t Be Seen Until You Learn To See” by Seth Godin

Talking about This is Marketing by Seth Godin

  • Wally’s favorite logos
  • How do brands go beyond a logo?
  • Lightning round with Ces talking about Active Recall’s brand
  • FEAR and self-help
  • Branding for James Harden, Tom Brady, and great white sharks

Links

Book Notes – “Awareness: The Perils and Opportunities of Reality” by Anthony de Mello

Check out the full notes for “Awareness” by Anthony de Mello

I picked up Awareness: The Perils and Opportunities of Reality up after hearing it mentioned on Tim Ferriss’s podcast. Actually it was the second time I heard it mentioned that got me to pick it up.

Here’s what Ferriss says about it (in the Tobi Lütke episode around 1:24:10)

It was recommended by a guest on this podcast, Peter Mallouk, who’s in finance. I decided to pick it up because he said every time he re-reads it, and he re-reads it more than any other book, it gives him an extended sense of peace.

And I was like, that’s an interesting… that is not the phrase or explanation that I would expect. (Lütke: That’s a hell of a way to sell a book.)

Peter Mallouk says it’s the book he’s gifted the most. He also told a quick anecdote. He’s worked with a bunch of older people with more money than most people would even imagine having. And they don’t want to spend it. Or they don’t want to enjoy it. They can enjoy it and still have way more than enough to leave to their children and grandchildren.

Here’s Mallouk talking about Awareness (around 1:27:24):

To me, what it basically said was: No matter how good things are, they’re not that good. No matter how bad things are, they’re not that bad. That almost everything you’re experiencing with other people is about the other people—it has very little to do with you. People don’t think about you as much as you think they do.

I think it’s just a very… it’s a book that gives you a lot of perspective about yourself in the world. I think if you read it at the right time in your life—for me, it brought a lot of peace. I’ve read the book a few times. So I love that book.

Tim Ferriss often mentions that he knows plenty of millionaires and billionaires who are unhappy. And the world is filled with people who think that if they had a million dollars, they’d be much happier.

As much as I’d like to be a person who knows that isn’t true, I’d be lying if I said I never think “I wish I had more money, that sure would make me happier!”

Mallouk recommends Awareness for being a great guide in finding happiness in yourself.

Money is only at the surface. Anthony de Mello goes further than not needing money to be happy. You don’t need things to make you happy. You don’t need success to make you happy. Or experiences. Or religion. Or other people. It’s in you.

And now to hold two opposing ideas in my head without it exploding. I’m pretty convinced that happiness shouldn’t be dependent on external factors. At the same time, I’m pretty convinced that happiness is other people. Spending time with people you love. (And, you know, not checking your phone while you’re at it.)

Here are some of my highlights.

“That’s the eagle, the king of the birds,” said his neighbor. “He belongs to the sky. We belong to the earth—we’re chickens.” So the eagle lived and died a chicken, for that’s what he thought he was.

The marshmallow study, the good samaritan study, the thing where the ceramics teacher asks half the students to make as many pots as possible and the other students to focus on making one best pot, the 10,000 hour rule, that story where you start with a jar and fill it with sand and pebbles and rocks…

None of those are in here. It was refreshing for me and another reminder that I need to make an effort to read books outside of business and self-development.

Awareness has a parables from other cultures, and it was my first time hearing a lot of them.

What do you think you are? You might be an eagle.

There’s a lovely saying of Tranxu, a great Chinese sage, that I took the trouble to learn by heart. It goes: “When the archer shoots for no particular prize, he has all his skills; when he shoots to win a brass buckle, he is already nervous; when he shoots for a gold prize, he goes blind, sees two targets, and is out of his mind. His skill has not changed, but the prize divides him. He cares! He thinks more of winning than of shooting, and the need to win drains him of power.”

I added a note here because it reminded me of an episode of Brian Koppelman’s podcast. (This is the Steven Pressfield episode of “The Moment” around 55:53) He talks about this discussion he has with his son about pressure and free throws. Chris Bosh is on the Billions set so they ask him: If your life depended on someone making a free throw, who would you pick to take the free throw?

Bosh’s answer: Ray Allen.

Great choice. Now the best part: Would you tell Ray Allen your life depends on it?

Here’s another story from Awareness:

A woman told me her son had gotten an award at his high school. It was for excellence in sports and academics. She was happy for him, but was almost tempted to say to him, “Don’t glory in that award, because it’s setting you up for the time when you can’t perform as well.” She was in a dilemma: how to prevent his future disillusionment without bursting his bubble now.

This reminded me of Justin Kan’s interview on “This Week in Startups” with Jason Calacanis. Plenty of people want to have successful startups. Justin Kan has had plenty of successful startups.

He’s also been part of failed startups. He knows success and failure and has the perspective to say that success doesn’t automatically turn into happiness.

Plenty of people say that, but I liked what he added: sometimes success does lead to happiness and that’s why you need to be careful.

The dangerous part is having a little bit of success and feeling happiness because of it. Then you start to think bigger success will lead to even more happiness. (Around 1:10:45)

I think that’s right. People struggle with the abundance and then they don’t know what to do. Because there’s no more goal. There’s no more carrot, right? Or you can set a bigger one but then you realize, “Oh I got this one and I’m not any happier.”

So what happened? That’s the promise of America is like oh you do this thing and you get this big cookie or whatever and then boom you’re happy. Then you get it and you eat it and you’re like “I’m not any happier. What happened?”

So you can… people go two ways, right? You set a bigger goal or you realize there’s something else. There’s another axis I have to optimize for.

And then there’s never enough.

So maybe it’s okay to aim for calmness.

From Awareness:

The other situation was when she was driving in traffic, with horns blowing and people shouting four-letter words. She asked me whether eventually that nervousness would dissipate and she could remain at peace. Did you pick up the attachment there? Peace. Her attachment to peace and calm. She was saying, “Unless I’m peaceful, I won’t be happy.” Did it ever occur to you that you could be happy in tension?”

Okay, maybe attaching your happiness to calmness isn’t the answer either.

I recently read Peter Thiel’s Zero to One and he talks about a question he’s known for: “What important truth do very few people agree with you on?”

Anyway, I like thinking about the sort of related but less profound “What have you changed your mind about in the past year?”

Then it can be good to figure out what made you change your mind. One of the most powerful things books can do is change your mind about something.

Can’t Hurt Me and The Upside of Stress changed my mind after reading them around the start of the year. Before reading those books, I thought aiming for as little stress in the day as possible was a good idea. At the same time, I was thinking that I didn’t grow as much as I wanted in the past year (and more).

Now, I’m not saying that I’m aiming for as much stress in the day as possible, either. But I’ve been looking at pushing myself a little more this year. Looking for the right stress to grow in the ways that I want.

That’s what will make me more successful.

Then people will think, “Wow, he’s so cool.”

Leading to more happiness.

(Maybe not.)

How to change the voice in your head: Seth Godin

On “The Moment”, Brian Koppelman asks Seth Godin about self-talk (around 50:28)

Brian: How did you self talk after that? What did you do?

Seth: So my dad had given me these cassettes and I still believe this to be true. We’re seeing it now with the audio revolution. Which we can talk about for one second, in a minute. It wasn’t self talk, it was Zig talk. Zig Ziglar talked to me every day for three hours. For three hours a day, for three years, I listened to this guy. Son of a preacher, we did not have a lot in common, I gotta tell you.

I knew it by heart because there were only 72 hours of stuff. That voice in my head took over because I didn’t have the voice I needed in my head. This guy was telling me stuff that was usually completely irrelevant. But the cadence of his voice reminded me of the best parts of his story. And some people get it from ___, some people get it from James Clear, some from, whatever it is, the running magazine…

(full episode link)

  • You can do this by searching YouTube for your favorite speakers and making some playlists. Try some different speakers out and see which ones resonate with you. Then listen to it again and again.
  • They go on to discuss the power of repetitively listening to this positive talk. Over time you can start thinking with that positivity.
  • After listening to this, I started listening to some Zig Ziglar and am now looking for different audio to put on repeat. Seth himself would be a pretty good voice to keep around for destroying negative self talk.
  • Seth mentions that the audiobook for The War of Art is rare now. I could’ve sworn I have it. I didn’t realize it’s not for sale on Audible anymore but I still have access to my copy. It’s not the one narrated by Steven Pressfield. I went ahead and picked up Turning Pro, which is narrated by him. I’ll try that out for a bit.